Junk food. Screaming children. Going in circles. Heights. Unsupervised teenagers. These things are each awful on their own. But when combined, they make up a small town fair.

Another awful thing: unsolicited advice. But that is what we have here.

1. Tootsie rolls should be the only chocolate based candy allowed for parade throwing. Its a fact that a melted snickers bar does not taste the same.

2. Stop judging the flowers. They are all beautiful in their own way.

3. If I can’t pet it, create a pillow from its feathers so I can feel how soft it is.

4. Start giving awards to the goats for staring contests.

5. And finally, don’t tell the out-of-towners how to eat an elephant ear.